What assumptions do people make about you?
“Mallika, which pre-med programs are you applying to?” asked my aunt at our Thanksgiving dinner. “None,” I responded with a smile. As an Asian-American girl, who spent last summer as a research assistant, has devoted much of her past five years for pediatric cancer advocacy, and has always been interested in biogenetics, everyone assumes that I want to pursue medicine. Before high school, I always thought I’d study biology or biochemistry, but over the years, I’ve found myself serendipitously drawn to the world of public policy and politics and their various intersections with the sciences.
Every day that I worked in the laboratory trying to determine the presence of neoplasia in biopsied tissue, my mind pondered how to share the benefits of such research with patients. Due to FDA mandates and the necessity of clinical trials, it would likely be years before the work would actually benefit patients. As I collected data from spectroscopic images, I wondered how human testing laws would change to account for the new discoveries and treatments that laboratories such as mine were creating. The fusion and synthesis that occurred between science and public policy enthralled me.
As a result, I now make it a point to devote special attention to the policies that allow for scientific innovation and their applications. The questions I asked in the laboratory have translated into actions such as: lobbying for more efficient drug approval processes by writing to and meeting with legislators and discussing resource allocation for research with scientists and educators.
My aspirations stem from the different aspects of my life. I’ve witnessed the impact of insufficient healthcare coverage on the lives of families battling pediatric cancer. It’s distressing to watch them not only deal with the disease, but also personal bankruptcy. While interviewing oncologists for a pediatric cancer documentary, I heard about their frustration regarding successful clinical trials being pulled since they were not lucrative as they catered only to a very small segment of the population.
My family and many of my friends look down on me for wanting to pursue a more social science based course of study. They think not going into the hard sciences makes me seem unintelligent. They worry that as a colored female, I will have fewer career opportunities. Yet if I let these worries and future obstacles stop me from even beginning to pursue what I love, how can I hope to accomplish anything? I choose to ignore the uphill battles I know I may face, and pursue my career goals with a childlike innocence, hoping that I will be able to pursue a career in healthcare policy and make a change for the better.
My thoughts: I think the end doesn't flow well with the rest of the essay, do you guys have any suggestions?
Every day that I worked in the laboratory trying to determine the presence of neoplasia in biopsied tissue, my mind pondered how to share the benefits of such research with patients. Due to FDA mandates and the necessity of clinical trials, it would likely be years before the work would actually benefit patients. As I collected data from spectroscopic images, I wondered how human testing laws would change to account for the new discoveries and treatments that laboratories such as mine were creating. The fusion and synthesis that occurred between science and public policy enthralled me.
As a result, I now make it a point to devote special attention to the policies that allow for scientific innovation and their applications. The questions I asked in the laboratory have translated into actions such as: lobbying for more efficient drug approval processes by writing to and meeting with legislators and discussing resource allocation for research with scientists and educators.
My aspirations stem from the different aspects of my life. I’ve witnessed the impact of insufficient healthcare coverage on the lives of families battling pediatric cancer. It’s distressing to watch them not only deal with the disease, but also personal bankruptcy. While interviewing oncologists for a pediatric cancer documentary, I heard about their frustration regarding successful clinical trials being pulled since they were not lucrative as they catered only to a very small segment of the population.
My family and many of my friends look down on me for wanting to pursue a more social science based course of study. They think not going into the hard sciences makes me seem unintelligent. They worry that as a colored female, I will have fewer career opportunities. Yet if I let these worries and future obstacles stop me from even beginning to pursue what I love, how can I hope to accomplish anything? I choose to ignore the uphill battles I know I may face, and pursue my career goals with a childlike innocence, hoping that I will be able to pursue a career in healthcare policy and make a change for the better.
My thoughts: I think the end doesn't flow well with the rest of the essay, do you guys have any suggestions?
In regards to the structure of the essay, I think the problem with the end could be that it is slightly abrupt. I feel that if you worked on incorporating the ideas of the previous paragraph into a sentence restating your dedication and following up with a transition into the view other people hold that could maybe work. In general, I thought that this works as a personal essay and it conveys your perspective really well.
ReplyDeleteNice post! I could really hear your voice come through in the essay and I liked that you had a lot of reflection. It was engaging because you were able to be very vulnerable and pull the reader in. I think the ending poses a lot of interesting ideas, but (as Christelle said) does end a little abruptly. Maybe you could transition into it differently so it seems more of a conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your essay. There is a great balance between narrative and reflection throughout the entire essay. Its nice that the two are intertwined instead of like "Here is what happened" and "Here is what I think" type thing. I like the way you answer the prompt by starting out with the attention grabbing quote. You immediately catch my interest while getting straight to the point. As for the last paragraph, I would agree with the previous comments that it is abrupt, but I like the paragraph. Maybe try a better transition. For example, the previous paragraph discusses why you are interested in the career so maybe you could change your focus to your family not understanding your position and work what you've written into that? I'm not completely sure that helps.. but I hope it does. Anyway, good job! :)
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